So here's me trying to describe what it was about.
This started out at a hotel, very fancy Marriott like with a huge lobby, a pool and spa, and a lounging area. I was with some friends; Jeff, Coop and Pat. I had seen all of my past exs, and even girls I had talked to/had a thing for. Weird part was, the way I treated every one of them was kind of the way we left things at. Jackie was there, said hey and kept things mutual, besides the fact that she would disagree with everything I said, which is kind of how I see things with her now. We haven't talked since then, but when we would it was very, how can I say... Passive aggressive. It's kind of like how things ended, unspent rage that just settled within her. Afterwards, while at the lounging area, I had run into Aimee, real buddy buddy like and overall a very chill time. When she was leaving, I refused but she had to go. That realisticly represents how things are now, how we are on a good level and all, but the feelings i had for her will never be on a mutual level. The whole leaving thing really spoke out on that, but in my dream I couldn't do much about it. Kinda like how I got over the fact and moved on. I then ran onto thy, very unexpectedly. She popped around a corner and pelted me with a water balloon, which left me in a very "what the fuck" mood. She proceeded to give me a hug, and a greet, but at the time I was furious. I left her without saying hello or good bye. Now this really confused me, because I thought things went well with her. If this were a real situation, the moment I would have seen her, I'd do my usual "Hello :) How're you" but at the moment of the immature act I would not stand for it.
Well, now that I think of it...It makes sense. Everything ended with her because of the lack of maturity that I seek. Everything in the relationship was getting to a good level, but would lead back to these childish fights. Small arguments over the smallest things that should had never happen.
Heh the more I think of this it seems the more its trying to tell me.
So after I stormed off, I had a very mugging face and looked back at Thy. She had this face as if she wanted to say something more, but was hurried away by her friends out of the room. She still kind of avoids me to this day. It seems she is intimidated to say anything, or maybe I think so, but anyone being in the same situation... Who doesn't? As I was walking somewhere, I can't remember where, I had seen this unbelievable cute girl at the receptionist desk. I just had to approach her and talk to her. As the conversation was going smoothly, I had learned that her name was Teekay, she was here for vacation with family but she was staying at another hotel or something like that. She had stopped into the lobby to ask a question about something (although my dream is still fresh, Its very rare that I can capture these things, if I'm able to capture a dream at all that is.) At some point while we were talking, she would check her phone, type something, then put her phone back, and about the fourth time she said she had to leave. I asked her to stay but she refused in a very upbeat fashion. I did however get her number, so as she left she had told me to call her later. I don't remember much afterwards, the rest just seems like a slide show, with audio. One slide was of her walking away, with her back towards me I had an arm out like I was reaching for something. I believe I was asking her what hotel she was staying at, but she ignored me as she walked out the lobby doors. The next few slides were of coop, pat and Jeff congratulating me for what I had done, but it did not satisfy me.
Now for the lengthy part, as I analyze this for the first time and compare this to recent events. I did recently meet Teekay, and I had done the whole approach already, although it took me several attempts because of my shy nature. After awhile, I was in fact able to establish a friendship. In my dream, everything felt perfect until the moment she had to leave, and referring previously to the "leaving" message of the dream, it is very hard for me to handle simply because I had something that couldn't be met halfway. Everything felt like it was going downhill, and even through a crisis like this, I tried to keep things uppity and happy. I don't know why I do things like this, maybe I feel that it helps me out at the end, to make me not feel so bad about myself... I guess that's the optimistic side of me right? The whole outreaching thing at the end also is something that'd happened to me before, but like I said before, its like this "leaving" process. In life, its pretty hard to let someone go, regardless if they like you or not, mainly because of the feelings you have already developed for the other person. I've let this happen a few times already, but with what I've been though in the past year, I've learned to let things go, as hard as it may be.
So that's pretty much it, through this dream I've been able to see how cheerful I can be when I'm actually pretty damaged. My mood can also just change like that from friendly to hated, based from how I see maturity.
Its weird though,my dream accurately describes me (for it should right? but again its a dream, I could of had super powers or something.) It showed me that I'm a very happy go lucky type of guy, I'm able to mask my emotions with a smile so easily, but when I'm alone or with friends, I just let loose and let everything out, or I just bottle emotions in.
Hmm, pretty insightful. Maybe I should change some things up about myself, how I should be approaching some things. I mean, yeah happy go lucky Scott keeps things flowing, but I gotta show a more cautious side. That or spill my heart and let it bleed more then I have been in this blog, that way I don't have these weird dreams about my love life. Hahaha
