Awesome! 21 years finally, and oh boy is it a great feeling.
I guess you can say this has been one of my most productive birthdays yet, starting with an hour visit to the DMV, and then a dinner with friends. Ahh, nothing more exciting then ordering your first public alcohol beverage.
(Now that I think about it... Did I really lick out the flame on my birthday candle?)
Its a great thing really. There are not many moments where I can look back and appreciate the things that I have at that moment. I don't know though... I still don't feel satisfied, but I honestly think that I could never be fully satisfied.
No matter how I look at goals, I'm probably being too optimistic. I mean come on, to have another relationship as I once had? Hah! Here I go waking up everyday with that motivation that it'll be the day, only to end the day back in bed with complete failure. Yep! Story of my life.
Oh well, what can you do huh?
Keep your head up, and look forward with that "Never give up" mentality.
Yea. Never give up...
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Question...
In the last episode, Scott was left for broke, abandoned and alone with no hope or direction...
So, its been months since I last blogged, and a good break at that. I was able to take time for myself to re-evaluate my life, well in terms of lifestyle and my future that is.
If there's something I've noticed though, it's that friends come and go in your life, but I guess that cannot be helped. Some succeed and forget about you, or you excel yourself and leave others behind. The only friends that matter are the ones that keep you on your pace, or the ones that can bring you onto their level.
Its hard to develop an answer to cope with these outcomes, but it just happens, and there's no real explanation for this.Especially, in my case I guess you can say its been a wild ride, but as exciting as it may be to step in, the moment you're on, you want out. Don't get me wrong though, I've met lots of new people and made many great friends. Shit, I'm pretty sure I can say that they are the one in a few that I cherish in life.
I don't know though, for years I've had this unpleasant feeling inside me... This feeling of apathy, that overly passive pessimist that controls my confidence, the overly hopeless romantic side of me. I always seem to get myself into these situations where I somehow conjure the confidence to make myself believe that everything can work out to a picture perfect scene, but I know on the inside, the truth of the conflict. The truth that runs me over when I put my wall down, ultimately turning me into an emotionless puppet for everyone's pleasure... Like how I'm feeling right now.
Truth is, I have no idea what I'm doing right now. I'm so afraid to wait right now, I'm scared that if I wait for too long, I may never get the chance ever again, but at the same time... Am I ready for this? Is this the appropriate time? or Will I just be jumping the gun again.
But since then, I guess you could say I've been having this feeling of desperation... I cannot think of a better way to approach this... I think I'm going to give it my all, and accept what happens.
So, its been months since I last blogged, and a good break at that. I was able to take time for myself to re-evaluate my life, well in terms of lifestyle and my future that is.
If there's something I've noticed though, it's that friends come and go in your life, but I guess that cannot be helped. Some succeed and forget about you, or you excel yourself and leave others behind. The only friends that matter are the ones that keep you on your pace, or the ones that can bring you onto their level.
Its hard to develop an answer to cope with these outcomes, but it just happens, and there's no real explanation for this.Especially, in my case I guess you can say its been a wild ride, but as exciting as it may be to step in, the moment you're on, you want out. Don't get me wrong though, I've met lots of new people and made many great friends. Shit, I'm pretty sure I can say that they are the one in a few that I cherish in life.
I don't know though, for years I've had this unpleasant feeling inside me... This feeling of apathy, that overly passive pessimist that controls my confidence, the overly hopeless romantic side of me. I always seem to get myself into these situations where I somehow conjure the confidence to make myself believe that everything can work out to a picture perfect scene, but I know on the inside, the truth of the conflict. The truth that runs me over when I put my wall down, ultimately turning me into an emotionless puppet for everyone's pleasure... Like how I'm feeling right now.
Truth is, I have no idea what I'm doing right now. I'm so afraid to wait right now, I'm scared that if I wait for too long, I may never get the chance ever again, but at the same time... Am I ready for this? Is this the appropriate time? or Will I just be jumping the gun again.
But since then, I guess you could say I've been having this feeling of desperation... I cannot think of a better way to approach this... I think I'm going to give it my all, and accept what happens.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Ellegarden
There's a reason why they're my favorite band.
The following are various lyrics from multiple Ellegarden songs.
1:Red hot
"As always things won't be better
As always no one understands"
2:The Autumn Song
"It looks like things are going right
But I feel I'm all alone"
3:Mr. Feather
"Hey Mr. Smiley do you smile when you are sad"
Quick highlights I guess, but whenever I'm feeling out of it, this band always helps in major ways. Listening to them helps get me through the tough life changing times, Ellegarden and their engrish rock gives me the right mind set to look up, and move forward, allowing me to correct my own mistakes so that these things would never happen to me again.
Music is a great thing, it really does work wonders... Who knows where I'd be without it...
The following are various lyrics from multiple Ellegarden songs.
1:Red hot
"As always things won't be better
As always no one understands"
2:The Autumn Song
"It looks like things are going right
But I feel I'm all alone"
3:Mr. Feather
"Hey Mr. Smiley do you smile when you are sad"
Quick highlights I guess, but whenever I'm feeling out of it, this band always helps in major ways. Listening to them helps get me through the tough life changing times, Ellegarden and their engrish rock gives me the right mind set to look up, and move forward, allowing me to correct my own mistakes so that these things would never happen to me again.
Music is a great thing, it really does work wonders... Who knows where I'd be without it...
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Definition; Optimist
op·ti·mist
n.
1. One who usually expects a favorable outcome.
2. A believer in philosophical optimism.
____________________________________________________
opti·mistic adj.
opti·misti·cal·ly adv.
I think I've been Too optimistic.
It seems like every time I look forward to something, an achievable goal for myself, I am always the person that falls face first. Everything I planned, everything that should go right, goes the opposite direction to leave me behind, alone, and abandoned. I can't even look towards that person to help me, cause god knows that person is as much help as bottling up my own emotions.
Talk it out? Fuck that shit. It'll never solve anything besides inform the other person your problems so that they could "Comfort" you in a sympathetic tone of voice.
"Get it off your chest"? It'll never happen. It'll just sit and reside with you for the rest of your life. That shit will always be in the back of your mind, forever reminding you for your own failure.
Shit, I think its safe to say that I had a comfortable lifestyle just looking at everything in a pessimistic point of view. Everyone is going to die. A Goal is another word for impossible job. Its true that life has it's ups and downs, but if you look forward to the great things in life... You'll be in for a great disappointment.
Oh well, this is what I get for stepping outside of myself. I take initiative and this is what I get. Heh, I guess I was never meant to be anything else other than That friend. That's how life is, and that's how I'll always expect it to be.
I can say that I'll be over it now, but everyone knows that I won't be. I won't show it though, but hey, That's life right?
c'est la vie.
If anybodyneeds wants me. I'll be the guy in the backround, where I belong.
n.
1. One who usually expects a favorable outcome.
2. A believer in philosophical optimism.
____________________________________________________
opti·mistic adj.
opti·misti·cal·ly adv.
I think I've been Too optimistic.
It seems like every time I look forward to something, an achievable goal for myself, I am always the person that falls face first. Everything I planned, everything that should go right, goes the opposite direction to leave me behind, alone, and abandoned. I can't even look towards that person to help me, cause god knows that person is as much help as bottling up my own emotions.
Talk it out? Fuck that shit. It'll never solve anything besides inform the other person your problems so that they could "Comfort" you in a sympathetic tone of voice.
"Get it off your chest"? It'll never happen. It'll just sit and reside with you for the rest of your life. That shit will always be in the back of your mind, forever reminding you for your own failure.
Shit, I think its safe to say that I had a comfortable lifestyle just looking at everything in a pessimistic point of view. Everyone is going to die. A Goal is another word for impossible job. Its true that life has it's ups and downs, but if you look forward to the great things in life... You'll be in for a great disappointment.
Oh well, this is what I get for stepping outside of myself. I take initiative and this is what I get. Heh, I guess I was never meant to be anything else other than That friend. That's how life is, and that's how I'll always expect it to be.
I can say that I'll be over it now, but everyone knows that I won't be. I won't show it though, but hey, That's life right?
c'est la vie.
If anybody
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
KITA!!!!
oshhh!! New mind set! I've looking everywhere for a calling, and I think I've finally found it.
now I've got to concentrate and make this happen. Otherwise I'll be the deadbeat everyone's been telling me.
...or I'll still be that deadbeat, only a successful one... :)
...with a house, and a dog, and...
now I've got to concentrate and make this happen. Otherwise I'll be the deadbeat everyone's been telling me.
...or I'll still be that deadbeat, only a successful one... :)
...with a house, and a dog, and...
Monday, April 19, 2010
hay guise, check out my new haircut.
Ahaha yea, I got my haircut, and I must say that it turned out mighty fine.
Aside from that, I went to Vegas, and also checked out the Grand Canyon all the way in Arizona. Oh gaaahd it was great getting out of the bay area. I felt the stench of the east bay leave as I road past the border.
Sadly I forgot to take a picture of the best part of the whole trip... I'm really hating myself for this. Things are really starting to brighten up! May is just around the corner, and before I know it, I'll find myself flying back to Vegas in November. Ohh the anticipation!
Aside from that, I went to Vegas, and also checked out the Grand Canyon all the way in Arizona. Oh gaaahd it was great getting out of the bay area. I felt the stench of the east bay leave as I road past the border.
Sadly I forgot to take a picture of the best part of the whole trip... I'm really hating myself for this. Things are really starting to brighten up! May is just around the corner, and before I know it, I'll find myself flying back to Vegas in November. Ohh the anticipation!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
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