"There's one last shot to get the ending right."

"we’re gonna say goodbye
we’re gonna say goodnight
i wish there was more time

Because we’re givin it up
but we’ll be just fine
we’re gonna go, go, go
to the next state line
and we’re livin it up
leave it all behind
and we’ll say goodnight
to a closing skyline

i’m alright
absolutely sure i’ll get through all of this
up all night
there’s one last shot to get the ending right"

- Farewell "88s"

And before I knew it...

It was gone just like that...

Damn...Its only been a few days, and yet I still have That day running through my mind as if I had hit the lottery. As much as I'd LOVE to talk about it, nobody can appreciate it as much as I can.
I swear all the planets must have aligned that day, because it had undone everything I had been winding up all of these years.

...I wish it could have lasted for awhile longer.

Why does this have to be so hard? I would give the world for another day, let alone a lifetime.

I don't know anymore, meeting someone so compatible with me seems impossible... Its no wonder why I had gone mia in the first place.
I guess the world has something else in store for me... I just hope it would be soon.

*sigh* Nothing left to do now but to wash my hands and start again, but god knows when that opportunity of a lifetime comes again.

Happy birthday, but you still lack something.

Awesome! 21 years finally, and oh boy is it a great feeling.
I guess you can say this has been one of my most productive birthdays yet, starting with an hour visit to the DMV, and then a dinner with friends. Ahh, nothing more exciting then ordering your first public alcohol beverage.
(Now that I think about it... Did I really lick out the flame on my birthday candle?)

Its a great thing really. There are not many moments where I can look back and appreciate the things that I have at that moment. I don't know though... I still don't feel satisfied, but I honestly think that I could never be fully satisfied.

No matter how I look at goals, I'm probably being too optimistic. I mean come on, to have another relationship as I once had? Hah! Here I go waking up everyday with that motivation that it'll be the day, only to end the day back in bed with complete failure. Yep! Story of my life.

Oh well, what can you do huh?
Keep your head up, and look forward with that "Never give up" mentality.

Yea. Never give up...

Question...

In the last episode, Scott was left for broke, abandoned and alone with no hope or direction...


So, its been months since I last blogged, and a good break at that. I was able to take time for myself to re-evaluate my life, well in terms of lifestyle and my future that is.
If there's something I've noticed though, it's that friends come and go in your life, but I guess that cannot be helped. Some succeed and forget about you, or you excel yourself and leave others behind. The only friends that matter are the ones that keep you on your pace, or the ones that can bring you onto their level.

Its hard to develop an answer to cope with these outcomes, but it just happens, and there's no real explanation for this.Especially, in my case I guess you can say its been a wild ride, but as exciting as it may be to step in, the moment you're on, you want out. Don't get me wrong though, I've met lots of new people and made many great friends. Shit, I'm pretty sure I can say that they are the one in a few that I cherish in life.

I don't know though, for years I've had this unpleasant feeling inside me... This feeling of apathy, that overly passive pessimist that controls my confidence, the overly hopeless romantic side of me. I always seem to get myself into these situations where I somehow conjure the confidence to make myself believe that everything can work out to a picture perfect scene, but I know on the inside, the truth of the conflict. The truth that runs me over when I put my wall down, ultimately turning me into an emotionless puppet for everyone's pleasure... Like how I'm feeling right now.

Truth is, I have no idea what I'm doing right now. I'm so afraid to wait right now, I'm scared that if I wait for too long, I may never get the chance ever again, but at the same time... Am I ready for this? Is this the appropriate time? or Will I just be jumping the gun again.

But since then, I guess you could say I've been having this feeling of desperation... I cannot think of a better way to approach this... I think I'm going to give it my all, and accept what happens.

Ellegarden

There's a reason why they're my favorite band.

The following are various lyrics from multiple Ellegarden songs.
1:Red hot
"As always things won't be better
As always no one understands"

2:The Autumn Song
"It looks like things are going right
But I feel I'm all alone"

3:Mr. Feather
"Hey Mr. Smiley do you smile when you are sad"

Quick highlights I guess, but whenever I'm feeling out of it, this band always helps in major ways. Listening to them helps get me through the tough life changing times, Ellegarden and their engrish rock gives me the right mind set to look up, and move forward, allowing me to correct my own mistakes so that these things would never happen to me again.
Music is a great thing, it really does work wonders... Who knows where I'd be without it...

Definition; Optimist

op·ti·mist
n.
1. One who usually expects a favorable outcome.
2. A believer in philosophical optimism.
____________________________________________________
opti·mistic adj.
opti·misti·cal·ly adv.

I think I've been Too optimistic.
It seems like every time I look forward to something, an achievable goal for myself, I am always the person that falls face first. Everything I planned, everything that should go right, goes the opposite direction to leave me behind, alone, and abandoned. I can't even look towards that person to help me, cause god knows that person is as much help as bottling up my own emotions.
Talk it out? Fuck that shit. It'll never solve anything besides inform the other person your problems so that they could "Comfort" you in a sympathetic tone of voice.
"Get it off your chest"? It'll never happen. It'll just sit and reside with you for the rest of your life. That shit will always be in the back of your mind, forever reminding you for your own failure.

Shit, I think its safe to say that I had a comfortable lifestyle just looking at everything in a pessimistic point of view. Everyone is going to die. A Goal is another word for impossible job. Its true that life has it's ups and downs, but if you look forward to the great things in life... You'll be in for a great disappointment.




Oh well, this is what I get for stepping outside of myself. I take initiative and this is what I get. Heh, I guess I was never meant to be anything else other than That friend. That's how life is, and that's how I'll always expect it to be.

I can say that I'll be over it now, but everyone knows that I won't be. I won't show it though, but hey, That's life right?
c'est la vie.
If anybody needs wants me. I'll be the guy in the backround, where I belong.

KITA!!!!

oshhh!! New mind set! I've looking everywhere for a calling, and I think I've finally found it.

now I've got to concentrate and make this happen. Otherwise I'll be the deadbeat everyone's been telling me.


...or I'll still be that deadbeat, only a successful one... :)





...with a house, and a dog, and...