Monday, June 20th.
I decided that this should be a day where I cut myself off of all means of communication. No facebook, no internet, and most importantly no phone. Just A day for Me, myself, and I. No friends, Nobody to turn to and vent. Just the open road, music, my trusty old car, and the sun.
I drove out to Monteray, only 'cause I've never been there before. All it took was a CD with 13 tracks of trance, and my pack of cigarettes. The ride was really nice, just cruising down south with some loud beats to get my mind off of life.
Well, the term "Life" sounds pretty vague, but to be specific, "life" in loose terms translates to the bay area. The escape alone felt amazing, I had actually spent time thinking over some things about myself. Things like work, friends, situations I always find myself in, and mainly, miscellaneous things that gets my mind all wound up in knots. I mean, I'm pretty much known for going in over my head, and for once when I'd like to think that I'm being smart for a change, I seem to have fallen back into the same pit. The only difference is, the exit is closer then expected. It's not the usual distance where its not reachable, where the hole that I've dug myself is so deep that I can't see the light of day. No, not this time... I'm in arms length, and with enough effort I can get out of this hole. However, for some reason I think I like to be in these "Pits." Naturally I'm a curious person, and for some reason there is something that binds me to stay in these holes that I often find myself in. I'm pretty sure that this is not healthy for my state of mind, but I'm naturally a curious person, and honestly I'd rather wait and see where things take me versus getting myself out of these situations early to avoid what I think the outcome may be.
If its one thing I've learned, its that even if your 100% confident of the outcome, there is that off chance that things will not go the way you thought it would be. Through previous points in my life I thought that I would be okay. That I could wake up in the morning feeling as if nothing has happened, nothing has changed and that everyday would be better then before... But there are so many days that this could happen, and sooner or later you'll find yourself in A world of hurt.
I've always endured these moments. There has been many high points in my life, where I honestly thought I couldn't be happier then I was, but there were also moments where I had reached an all time low. A low so far down, I felt as if I was dead to everybody, I didn't even exist in this world, and nobody gave any care in the world to help pick me back up to my feet. It was because of these moments I was able to learn and shape myself to who I've become now. Through blogging, finding great friends and company, they were able to help me pick myself off the ground, and get me back into this cycle in this so called life.
Even if this road has bumps and missing pavement, I will continue walking down this road.I mean, sure I can't really see the end but that doesn't really matter for me. I'm looking for the toughest road to help build who I am now. That way I know that I wasn't A wimp in my life, that I fought for what I believed in, and fought for where I am at now.
All in all though, its been a great week. Especially with that day to myself, I was able to keep myself optimistic. I'll admit that I've been finding myself in a very pessimistic mood lately, but I was able to change things before it got out of hand.
You know what they say, keep making faces and your face will be stuck that way... So why not smile all the time? Smile>grumpy negative face, because even when you look happy, it sets the mood for everybody else's day. All it takes is one smile, but one sad face makes you a Debbie downer! >:(
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