Blast from the past, which was apparently 2 years ago...

"Does she know that I'm thinking of her all the time"

• Aug. 10th, 2009 at 1:35 AM

"it's not the fear of the stream that I can't cross
its the thought of what I would say
beause my main problem is I can't (is I can't) is I can't make conversation"

This pretty much explains it. The hardest part is to connect with someone, and when its possible... Can I put it in my own words to get that mutual feeling? I don't think its ever possible, and 90% of the time I find myself walking into the darkness, either hoping for a light to shine my way, or I stumble and fall. I guess I need to endure this darkness until I'm guided, because I'm not ready to fall yet. Not now.

Anyway, highlights from the last update.

Timmy is crashing here for the week, Its refreshing to have somebody new to hang around.

More hours, I can't stress enough about how much I Love the new store, friendly customers and a warm welcoming.

Classes starting soon, It'll be refreshing how this year will go.

New phone! Blackberry bold! aand so far, I'M LOVING IT! I haven't even used the blackberry to it's full potential and yet i'm still in love with this!

Thanks again for everybody who attended the BBQ yesterday, it really was a highlight of the summer. Nothing like a good BBQ with the indoor pool and hookah to set things off, and karaoke to boot!

New friends, and new experiences. This helps me evolve and learn about myself. Fads are fads, but the ones important enough will leave impressions either helping you learn from them or shaping yourself.

So pretty much, Life's good. 'Nuff said.

Now if only I could get my relationship skills up to par with my personality. Then life will be easy again.

Hi I'm Scott, and its a pleasure to meet you :D

Its quite funny, 2 years ago I found myself in such situations where I could only live life and see where life would take me.

..Things have not changed much, but i'm content with my life.

Lets just say that my eyes have adjusted to the darkness, and as much as it hurts to walk on glass, I've built up enough tolerance to endure the very steps I take.

Bring it on life...I'm ready for you.

Part time Alcoholic, full time lost cause.

At first, drinking would be a social tool for me. I learned that with alcohol, I was able to express myself freely... No restrictions to hold any emotions back, no worries on my mind. Just carefree Scott, with nothing holding me back.

Haha, that's what alcohol does for me, only until I begin to lose sight of things. I'm sure that I use alcohol as a way to escape. I mean, that's what alcoholics do right? Nobody wants to live in this harsh reality called life. Shit, I'm sure I could have found another form of escapism. Movies, music, video games, poetry, reading, anything besides alcohol. It's fine though, I'm not relying on it to constantly escape reality...Hell I actually like putting myself through all this distress. As much as it hurts, in that very moment where I've completely fall for a girl is what I thrive on. One of those makes up for the years of depression that I put myself through.

Sad isn't it? It's been a repeat cycle for awhile now, since '08 I believe. I'm a sucker for this kind of shit though, and no matter what happens... I won't stop chasing it until I have it again.

Is it weird that I don't fear death? The other day at a kickback, I wasn't myself. Focused on the movie they put on, I only knew about two people that were there. My ex's sister walks into the room with her boyfriend, and I could feel the tension in the room. As I look around to see some reactions, I feel paranoid. Heart racing, I could just imagine them putting me down. Punching me and slamming my head into the cold pavement. Slowly my vision blurring, the motion of my head being beaten in. I slowly saw myself floating over my bloody unconscious body, left for dead in the middle of the parking lot. I slowly snapped back from my wild imagination back to the movie. Did a quick head check and resumed the kickback. It was all one of those "shrug" moments for me. It could have been real, I could have been killed and that would of been the end of my story, but it wasn't. I'm back into reality and I'm here.

Weird shit. I must be going through one of those days months, It'll get better, as it always does for the moment. It's really on me to try and keep my moral high as the days go by.

3 days...

'til Vegas...

...I don't know what to do with myself before then...

Hurry up Friday, I've been coop'd up in Concord for too long...