Interesting.

Just stumbled upon this on facebook. Just had to share it here. I for one, believe this. Haha

Girls Need To Realize: WRITTEN BY A GUY
We guys don't care if you talk to other guys. We don't care if you're friends with other guys. But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off. It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there. We don't care if a guy calls>OR TEXTS< you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. That it can't wait till the morning. Also, when we tell you you're pretty/beautiful/ gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it. Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stop trying to convince you. The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence. Yeah, you can quote me. Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Take Advantage of the mood im in. Let us pay for you! dont 'feel bad' We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile and say 'thank you. Kiss us when no one's watching. If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed. You don't have to get dressed up for us. If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own. We like you for who you are and not what you are. Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up. Don't take everything we say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. Don't get angry easily. Stop using magazines/media as your bible. Don't talk about how hott Chris Brown, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that. Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful' i'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy' or whatever else you can think of. On the other hand im not sayin i woulndnt like it ether ; ) Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont wait for him to change!!!!! Ditch his sorry butt, disgrace to the male population and find someone who will treat you with utter respect Someone who will honor your morals. Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest. Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes. Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel. Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say 'i love you' ..and actually mean it. Give the nice guys a chance. Guys repost this if you agree. Girls repost this if you think it's cute.. Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the girls that read this will repost this.


Life is too short to complain about everything that comes your way so stop and smell the roses in life because you might never have another time to take it, so take your time because they are all different in every way, so take chances in life, if it doesn't work out then fine, there are always more roses to smell.

As happy as I can be, This is how its been now.

It's been a few weeks now, and I can understand now what people have been telling me. All I can think about is music, and the good times it brings. No longer am I thinking about women, or if I can find someone on my level that will stick with me.
Someone once said " You don't need to find someone to feel complete. You are yourself, and however you feel has nothing to do with anybody else."
It's true, I don't worry about if this girl likes me, or how bad I want to have a girlfriend. All that shit will come to me eventually. It'll be love in the most purest of ways once it happens, so why rush things? When things are rushed, doesn't the product turn out to be half assed anyway?
So this is what it truly means to be single huh? Party all the time, and enjoy yourself and the company of others. I'm starting to like this idea. I can't afford to have anybody pull me down anymore, but that goes for me as well. I shouldn't expect so much out of the little things like I always would.
This is pretty fun, lets see how far I can go huh?

"But its okay, I've got no regrets."

And like that, I can easily say I've had the best time of my life.

Nocturnal was amazing, I met a ton of new people and danced my ass off (Which is rare.)
Although I ran into a few bumps Friday, my newly made friends gave me "assistance." Needless to say, I will cherish this moment all of my life.
I've always wanted to go to raves, but was always scared. Aids pricking, drug overdose, etc.
Its funny how easily you can disregard things when you start caring less about things, but because of it, I have a new insight on life. Rather then feeling so down all the time, just be happy. Happiness is key, regardless of the situation. Tough luck; that's life. Move on with it and give yourself something else to feel happy about.

It is now Sunday, 4:56am. Nocturnal has come and gone, but will forever be in my heart. This has opened up my eyes, and I can now see clearly. Disregard all thoughts and assumptions that you and others have against yourself, life is more easygoing that way.

Can't wait for the next one :)

Escape me. This is going to be life changing...

The last few weeks have been life changing for me. I've gain a totally different outlook on life and my god, its been amazing.

In about 4 hours, I'll be taking a road trip down to San Bernadino where I will be taking part in Nocturnal Wonderland, a massive two-day rave. This will be the life changing experience that I have been waiting for.

Seven hours alone with my hookah, music, and myself.

I'll keep updated tonight after the event. 

Talk about a breath of fresh air huh?

Blast from the past, which was apparently 2 years ago...

"Does she know that I'm thinking of her all the time"

• Aug. 10th, 2009 at 1:35 AM

"it's not the fear of the stream that I can't cross
its the thought of what I would say
beause my main problem is I can't (is I can't) is I can't make conversation"

This pretty much explains it. The hardest part is to connect with someone, and when its possible... Can I put it in my own words to get that mutual feeling? I don't think its ever possible, and 90% of the time I find myself walking into the darkness, either hoping for a light to shine my way, or I stumble and fall. I guess I need to endure this darkness until I'm guided, because I'm not ready to fall yet. Not now.

Anyway, highlights from the last update.

Timmy is crashing here for the week, Its refreshing to have somebody new to hang around.

More hours, I can't stress enough about how much I Love the new store, friendly customers and a warm welcoming.

Classes starting soon, It'll be refreshing how this year will go.

New phone! Blackberry bold! aand so far, I'M LOVING IT! I haven't even used the blackberry to it's full potential and yet i'm still in love with this!

Thanks again for everybody who attended the BBQ yesterday, it really was a highlight of the summer. Nothing like a good BBQ with the indoor pool and hookah to set things off, and karaoke to boot!

New friends, and new experiences. This helps me evolve and learn about myself. Fads are fads, but the ones important enough will leave impressions either helping you learn from them or shaping yourself.

So pretty much, Life's good. 'Nuff said.

Now if only I could get my relationship skills up to par with my personality. Then life will be easy again.

Hi I'm Scott, and its a pleasure to meet you :D

Its quite funny, 2 years ago I found myself in such situations where I could only live life and see where life would take me.

..Things have not changed much, but i'm content with my life.

Lets just say that my eyes have adjusted to the darkness, and as much as it hurts to walk on glass, I've built up enough tolerance to endure the very steps I take.

Bring it on life...I'm ready for you.

Part time Alcoholic, full time lost cause.

At first, drinking would be a social tool for me. I learned that with alcohol, I was able to express myself freely... No restrictions to hold any emotions back, no worries on my mind. Just carefree Scott, with nothing holding me back.

Haha, that's what alcohol does for me, only until I begin to lose sight of things. I'm sure that I use alcohol as a way to escape. I mean, that's what alcoholics do right? Nobody wants to live in this harsh reality called life. Shit, I'm sure I could have found another form of escapism. Movies, music, video games, poetry, reading, anything besides alcohol. It's fine though, I'm not relying on it to constantly escape reality...Hell I actually like putting myself through all this distress. As much as it hurts, in that very moment where I've completely fall for a girl is what I thrive on. One of those makes up for the years of depression that I put myself through.

Sad isn't it? It's been a repeat cycle for awhile now, since '08 I believe. I'm a sucker for this kind of shit though, and no matter what happens... I won't stop chasing it until I have it again.

Is it weird that I don't fear death? The other day at a kickback, I wasn't myself. Focused on the movie they put on, I only knew about two people that were there. My ex's sister walks into the room with her boyfriend, and I could feel the tension in the room. As I look around to see some reactions, I feel paranoid. Heart racing, I could just imagine them putting me down. Punching me and slamming my head into the cold pavement. Slowly my vision blurring, the motion of my head being beaten in. I slowly saw myself floating over my bloody unconscious body, left for dead in the middle of the parking lot. I slowly snapped back from my wild imagination back to the movie. Did a quick head check and resumed the kickback. It was all one of those "shrug" moments for me. It could have been real, I could have been killed and that would of been the end of my story, but it wasn't. I'm back into reality and I'm here.

Weird shit. I must be going through one of those days months, It'll get better, as it always does for the moment. It's really on me to try and keep my moral high as the days go by.

3 days...

'til Vegas...

...I don't know what to do with myself before then...

Hurry up Friday, I've been coop'd up in Concord for too long...

And just like that...

You know that roller coaster feeling you get when you think that things couldn't get any better, something miraculous happens that makes your week? Or better yet, when you're going into a low so deep, something comes up to kick you while your down.

Either or, I'm sure everybody has had those moments. Oddly enough, only the good memories stick in your mind...Always there for you to think back to when things get bad, or when you're feeling down.

I feel like sometimes I blind myself with these images. No matter how bad the situation is, I play these moments to hide away the reality of things.

Heh, but isn't that the point of being optimistic? Maybe I should be realistic about life instead of trying to live it without being negative. I can't always make a joke out of every bad situation I come across. That's just...Tasteless.

Maybe... Just maybe, it'd be good to show my vulnerable side to the public. Nothing bad can come from that now can it? I can still joke around about everything, but when I'm having an off day, I'll start spilling my guts out instead of putting on a smile, followed by the usual "I'm okay/good/alright" line.

Now, I've been reading through my posts, and it seems like 2011 is a Year of depressing for poor ol' Scott. I'll try and start posting some positive mushy crap and updates in my life to not make this blog sound like a suicide note.

A few friends and I are looking into renting an apartment. I'm very excited for this and if this goes through, I can finally take a step forward into life...Which loosely translates into a 24/7 hookah party. I'll try and keep everything updated though, fingers crossed that it happens! Also, heading out to Vegas in 6 days with the crew (rolling 8-9 deep.) Oh man, this may be a bad idea, but if I make it back alive it would mean I had gotten a liver transplant :P. Let's just say, I don't plan on being sober for 3 days. That'll give my mind something to do, rather then over think every situation i'm presented with.

Now, Q&A time!

What do you want in your life Mr. Train Man?

>> I would like to help.

By Anonymous on Desperation behind the stone wall... on 7/24/11

To answer your question, I want to find a companion. I've always been a "boyfriend" type of guy, and the fact that I'm single really kills me inside. If I wait patiently, I know that the day will come...It has to come.

HOPEFULLY U'LL BE HAPPY SOON ENOUGH. U SEEM LIKE A GREAT GUY TO BE THIS DEPRESSED. JUST KEEP THOSE THAT MATTER AND THOSE THAT KEEP U GROUNDED IN YUR LIFE. BEST OF LUCK TO U!!!!!!!!!!!

By Anonymous on Desperation behind the stone wall... on 7/27/11

Thank you :] It really makes me happy to hear back from my readers!

I know it seems like I'm depressed all the time, but I only come here just to blog when I've got too many things on my mind. I'll try to put some non-depressing stuff up!

Keep em' coming! I'll try my best to answer your questions and comments as soon as possible!

Desperation behind the stone wall...

I made this blog mainly because I wouldn't want to expose my true feelings to the world. I never liked feeling anything but content or happy when I'm in the public, because I hate the attention. That fake sympathetic feeling that others give you that make them think it helps, when really it doesn't. I've been doing this since middle school, and I find it working okay with me, nobody hassling you about whats wrong, no hostile feelings. I guess because I've been like this for awhile, it has desensitized me. Regardless of how i'm feeling, I've learned to put a mask on...Smile or resort to humor to mask and divert myself from showing my true emotion. Thus the reason why I blog, to vent out my emotions and feelings.

It's weird though, because I've adjusted into this kind of style... I have built a large amount of pride. As much as I'm hurt, or in need of some emotional support, I'll never show my vulnerable side. I've even gone so far as to keep my own family out of my personal and emotional life.

Its pretty funny though, I'm pretty much immune from being emotional when I should be, which is pretty bad.

Today, I was told that even though I've got this well built mask to cover my depression, my eyes turn red when I say all of this emotional stuff. I guess this is the only way to tell if I've got something bothering me, or need help emotionally.

I don't really cry during depressing moments, but because I don't cry I ultimately feel like shit because of how depressed I am. Bottle'd up emotions are no bueno. There has been one instance where I actually cried during a movie, and I think it's because I could relate to the main character, and can see his struggles and situation through personal experiences. The movie was called Densha otoko (Train man), A Japanese movie about an anime otoku(super nerd) who wants to change his life and find love. He asks for help on an internet chatroom where they give him advice to change his life. A modern day beauty and the beast story.

I was once in his shoes, and throughout the movie you can still see him struggle even though he's got all the advice from others. It really shows that even though you've got all this help, it's still on you to "level" yourself up and step up to the plate. Needless to say, it really touched my heart to see what I've gone through myself. This was about 4 years ago, and I havn't shed A tear since.

I had just watched My sassy girl, a Korean drama/comedy that has really touched my heart. In A way, I can relate to the main characters because I'm sort of going through the same situation. I cried my eyes out during this movie. I couldn't help but to relate and put myself in his shoes. The way some Korean movies go, they really emphasize on the problems, with minor climax and resolves, with a either depressing terrible ending, or a super happy love story type ending. Even though this movie had a good ending, the climb it took to get to the ending really killed me. Will I be like this? How will I be able to cope with this, he must be really strong to have endured it.

I couldn't believe that I cried, this would be the first time I've actually cried in 4 years. The last last time I had cried was in elementary school when I was 8.

My eyes are red now, either because I'm madly depressed at this outcome that I've been building myself onto for these past few months...Or because it is now 6:38am. Either or, I'm in a pretty shitty mood right now, and I can only hope for a good Friday.

Heh...

I'm starting to lose faith in something that I tried to create. So full of hope, yet at the same time so non-existent. This must be what they call despair.

I need to stop doing these sorts of things, because as much as it hurts to keep things the way they are now, the more it'll hurt when I realize that its just a softer way to let me down.

soconfused.

Great white.

*Sigh* Oh Scotty. Scotty, Scotty, Scotty. What are you doing to yourself? This can't be healthy. You need to fix yourself up and do something about it, before you hurt yourself.

Yeah, I know what you may be thinking. If you know me, then you'd know the previous step by step process that I've been going through. But things are different now... Yeah, I'm not going to let things like this go by, if I fall, then I'm going down with a fight. I'm not going to just crumble. No not anymore.

I like how I can say shit like this, and hype myself up over things to "prevent" or "move on," but you and I both know that regardless of what I say, what I do, or how things go down I'm always going to fall face first into the rocks. Yeah I may smile alot, but I'm aware that I could still smile when I'm madly depressed or sad.

I don't know anymore, I mean I've been through some tough shit before so all I can expect is to endure it really. The drop will come regardless of the pace, the only thing you can do is to keep your head high and see where it takes you.

Anyways, I'm trying something new. I opened up comments for my blogs. You can post anonymously so please feel free to criticize, leave me some words of wisdom, or even ask me a question. If there are any questions, I'll try my best to reply in the next blog post.

Sooo, on a side note...

:| How do I endure this? I don't think I've got enough in my heart to handle it.

...ARGH BE OPTIMISTIC SCOTT. THERE IS NO TIME FOR NEGATIVITY.

The classic Jim smirk. :l

Jim's smirk is probably the best cover-up anybody could have for any situation. I'm sure everybody has their thing though, I mean some people shift their eyes, sweat, laugh, or resort to humor. The smirk is completely emotionless. It can be used in the most happiest of moments, as well as in the most depressing times as well.

You see, I wish I could pull off a smirk like that because I on the other hand, tend to smile. Smiling normally works most times, simply because it expresses happiness. The bad thing about this is, I always smile...Even when I shouldn't. Scared, angry, nervous, depressed, stressed, it doesn't matter. I'm not sure why I do this, maybe its because I want to make sure that everybody is content, or happy. Guess its in my nature yea?

Oh, and one more thing.

Haha, drinking in the work place during work. Funny thing isn't it?

As the mind grows, I find myself in the same hole I've always been in.

Hah, so where should I start? With everything going on, I can't help but to fall back into the same hole I've always tried climbing out of. Well, or so I thought?

Monday, June 20th.

I decided that this should be a day where I cut myself off of all means of communication. No facebook, no internet, and most importantly no phone. Just A day for Me, myself, and I. No friends, Nobody to turn to and vent. Just the open road, music, my trusty old car, and the sun.

I drove out to Monteray, only 'cause I've never been there before. All it took was a CD with 13 tracks of trance, and my pack of cigarettes. The ride was really nice, just cruising down south with some loud beats to get my mind off of life.

Well, the term "Life" sounds pretty vague, but to be specific, "life" in loose terms translates to the bay area. The escape alone felt amazing, I had actually spent time thinking over some things about myself. Things like work, friends, situations I always find myself in, and mainly, miscellaneous things that gets my mind all wound up in knots. I mean, I'm pretty much known for going in over my head, and for once when I'd like to think that I'm being smart for a change, I seem to have fallen back into the same pit. The only difference is, the exit is closer then expected. It's not the usual distance where its not reachable, where the hole that I've dug myself is so deep that I can't see the light of day. No, not this time... I'm in arms length, and with enough effort I can get out of this hole. However, for some reason I think I like to be in these "Pits." Naturally I'm a curious person, and for some reason there is something that binds me to stay in these holes that I often find myself in. I'm pretty sure that this is not healthy for my state of mind, but I'm naturally a curious person, and honestly I'd rather wait and see where things take me versus getting myself out of these situations early to avoid what I think the outcome may be.

If its one thing I've learned, its that even if your 100% confident of the outcome, there is that off chance that things will not go the way you thought it would be. Through previous points in my life I thought that I would be okay. That I could wake up in the morning feeling as if nothing has happened, nothing has changed and that everyday would be better then before... But there are so many days that this could happen, and sooner or later you'll find yourself in A world of hurt.

I've always endured these moments. There has been many high points in my life, where I honestly thought I couldn't be happier then I was, but there were also moments where I had reached an all time low. A low so far down, I felt as if I was dead to everybody, I didn't even exist in this world, and nobody gave any care in the world to help pick me back up to my feet. It was because of these moments I was able to learn and shape myself to who I've become now. Through blogging, finding great friends and company, they were able to help me pick myself off the ground, and get me back into this cycle in this so called life.

Even if this road has bumps and missing pavement, I will continue walking down this road.I mean, sure I can't really see the end but that doesn't really matter for me. I'm looking for the toughest road to help build who I am now. That way I know that I wasn't A wimp in my life, that I fought for what I believed in, and fought for where I am at now.

All in all though, its been a great week. Especially with that day to myself, I was able to keep myself optimistic. I'll admit that I've been finding myself in a very pessimistic mood lately, but I was able to change things before it got out of hand.

You know what they say, keep making faces and your face will be stuck that way... So why not smile all the time? Smile>grumpy negative face, because even when you look happy, it sets the mood for everybody else's day. All it takes is one smile, but one sad face makes you a Debbie downer! >:(

June 20th... What the hell?

It's already June 20th, and the 4th of July is around the corner. How did time pass by this quickly? I guess I'm enjoying the hookah lounge so much that I don't even realize how much time I've spent.

Although... not everything has been all fine and dandy for the past 6 months. I've hit enough rough patches thus far to make a hole in my wall, but its nothing too big to stress over about. Well for now that is, but you know what? When things get shaky, all you've got to do is to look at the brighter side of things. Just always know that you've given it your all, and there shouldn't be remorse for your actions. Don't think of it as failure, but think of it as another chance to try harder.

Heh, Someone once a few years back that I'm pessimistic. I honestly thought for the worst whenever things would happen. It was then that I realized, "You know what, I need to change myself if I want to go anywhere. All I see in the mirror is a mess. A guy that's scared to initiate conversation with anybody, a nobody that disassociates himself because he thinks too lowly of himself. This shouldn't be me, I should be something better." I guess it was then when I changed my attitude. I learned to look at things with an optimistic point of view, to start off my "Operation:SC (Self-confidence)" Shortly afterwards I started to see my life slowly change, from being all alone and negative, to somewhere in the positive zone. Where I would think that people would instantly judge me, I can now just walk up to them and give them something to judge. I'm obviously nowhere complete with this little operation of mine, but what I can say is that I'm making progress, and though there's still much more I would like, the rest will take time, and the right timing. It has been a rough start for me, but baby, things are just getting started!

Today, Monday June 20th. I'm going M.I.A for a day, meaning No phone, No internet, No Scott.

All I've got is the road, and whatever the price of gas is right now :[

I'm mainly taking this day to recollect my thoughts, my views, and also to think about some of the things I've done wrong this past year. I'll get some alone time to find my inner self, and hopefully shed off some of this bad mojo that's gotten me into some deep shit. Shit so deep, Its got me pretty stressed these past few weeks.

Wish me luck internet, I'll see you on Tuesday!

A deeper meaning.

Dreams can be so weird. Usually they hold some sort of message, like watch out for the giant crab, or a talking dog with the voice of one of your relatives or friends exist somewhere in the world, but this recent one held a meaning. More so based on previous events, but mainly it was trying to show a representation of my personality with my past.
So here's me trying to describe what it was about.

This started out at a hotel, very fancy Marriott like with a huge lobby, a pool and spa, and a lounging area. I was with some friends; Jeff, Coop and Pat. I had seen all of my past exs, and even girls I had talked to/had a thing for. Weird part was, the way I treated every one of them was kind of the way we left things at. Jackie was there, said hey and kept things mutual, besides the fact that she would disagree with everything I said, which is kind of how I see things with her now. We haven't talked since then, but when we would it was very, how can I say... Passive aggressive. It's kind of like how things ended, unspent rage that just settled within her. Afterwards, while at the lounging area, I had run into Aimee, real buddy buddy like and overall a very chill time. When she was leaving, I refused but she had to go. That realisticly represents how things are now, how we are on a good level and all, but the feelings i had for her will never be on a mutual level. The whole leaving thing really spoke out on that, but in my dream I couldn't do much about it. Kinda like how I got over the fact and moved on. I then ran onto thy, very unexpectedly. She popped around a corner and pelted me with a water balloon, which left me in a very "what the fuck" mood. She proceeded to give me a hug, and a greet, but at the time I was furious. I left her without saying hello or good bye. Now this really confused me, because I thought things went well with her. If this were a real situation, the moment I would have seen her, I'd do my usual "Hello :) How're you" but at the moment of the immature act I would not stand for it.

Well, now that I think of it...It makes sense. Everything ended with her because of the lack of maturity that I seek. Everything in the relationship was getting to a good level, but would lead back to these childish fights. Small arguments over the smallest things that should had never happen.

Heh the more I think of this it seems the more its trying to tell me.

So after I stormed off, I had a very mugging face and looked back at Thy. She had this face as if she wanted to say something more, but was hurried away by her friends out of the room. She still kind of avoids me to this day. It seems she is intimidated to say anything, or maybe I think so, but anyone being in the same situation... Who doesn't? As I was walking somewhere, I can't remember where, I had seen this unbelievable cute girl at the receptionist desk. I just had to approach her and talk to her. As the conversation was going smoothly, I had learned that her name was Teekay, she was here for vacation with family but she was staying at another hotel or something like that. She had stopped into the lobby to ask a question about something (although my dream is still fresh, Its very rare that I can capture these things, if I'm able to capture a dream at all that is.) At some point while we were talking, she would check her phone, type something, then put her phone back, and about the fourth time she said she had to leave. I asked her to stay but she refused in a very upbeat fashion. I did however get her number, so as she left she had told me to call her later. I don't remember much afterwards, the rest just seems like a slide show, with audio. One slide was of her walking away, with her back towards me I had an arm out like I was reaching for something. I believe I was asking her what hotel she was staying at, but she ignored me as she walked out the lobby doors. The next few slides were of coop, pat and Jeff congratulating me for what I had done, but it did not satisfy me.

Now for the lengthy part, as I analyze this for the first time and compare this to recent events. I did recently meet Teekay, and I had done the whole approach already, although it took me several attempts because of my shy nature. After awhile, I was in fact able to establish a friendship. In my dream, everything felt perfect until the moment she had to leave, and referring previously to the "leaving" message of the dream, it is very hard for me to handle simply because I had something that couldn't be met halfway. Everything felt like it was going downhill, and even through a crisis like this, I tried to keep things uppity and happy. I don't know why I do things like this, maybe I feel that it helps me out at the end, to make me not feel so bad about myself... I guess that's the optimistic side of me right? The whole outreaching thing at the end also is something that'd happened to me before, but like I said before, its like this "leaving" process. In life, its pretty hard to let someone go, regardless if they like you or not, mainly because of the feelings you have already developed for the other person. I've let this happen a few times already, but with what I've been though in the past year, I've learned to let things go, as hard as it may be.

So that's pretty much it, through this dream I've been able to see how cheerful I can be when I'm actually pretty damaged. My mood can also just change like that from friendly to hated, based from how I see maturity.

Its weird though,my dream accurately describes me (for it should right? but again its a dream, I could of had super powers or something.) It showed me that I'm a very happy go lucky type of guy, I'm able to mask my emotions with a smile so easily, but when I'm alone or with friends, I just let loose and let everything out, or I just bottle emotions in.

Hmm, pretty insightful. Maybe I should change some things up about myself, how I should be approaching some things. I mean, yeah happy go lucky Scott keeps things flowing, but I gotta show a more cautious side. That or spill my heart and let it bleed more then I have been in this blog, that way I don't have these weird dreams about my love life. Hahaha

Whelp. :l

At least you can't say I didn't try.

What happens while the dice rolls, happens until they land...

They say the odds of rolling a 7 or 11 is 8:36. I could only hope not to strike out.

Lets see where this roll takes me huh?

eh heh, Hehe, HA :]

This past week has been an amazing one. Honestly I haven't felt like this in a LOONG time, and you know what? It's A damn good thing that I have.

You know, I was starting to get over the fact that I could be waiting for years and years to come... Was so mentally prepared to be shot down every time I attempted to talk to a woman, that I simply let all my chances pass me by... That is, until last Sunday.

It all started with the usual hello, and before I knew it, I started to realize that I was keeping a good conversation with the group. I don't know what came over me that night, normally I am silent when it comes to the topic of talking about myself...

That's what the old Scott would say, but not the new Scott!

It turns out that I'm a social butterfly, and thank god for that. I would have never met all of my good friends and new friends at this moment if I didn't put myself out there. It looks like my New Year's resolution from 2009 has been fulfilled... Score!

On a more serious note, I am truly happy about the outcome of this past week, for

It has been YEARS since I have felt the way I do now. Thank you. :)

Back to the old Happy go lucky Scott!~